A life TOO ordinary..

be just an escape from my history?

If only I could choose what to erase from memory..

baaaaa

...knowing you have recovered but will never be the same again..
...knowing that it is ok to feel sad sometimes..
...knowing that I have lots of love and is grateful

Each day, I try to remain calm, remain hopeful, remain cheerful, remain strong...remain 'normal'.

Each time I'm in a crowd, I try to be brave, be clear-minded, be less self-conscious...

Love me.. talk to me..

Reminds me of an old show, Blossom. She mopes on her birthday (as far as I could remember).

Some people like to make a list of things they did/ accomplished the past year.

So here it goes:
- I got my heartbroken (It's not that bad just that I can't find a better word for it)
- I got sick and went into coma (in case you were wondering what people get when they are in coma, it is very scary. It's nightmare for 5 days. Which was prolly why I woke up. I guess the experience varies. For some the dreams are pleasant so they take longer time to wake up.)
- I lost part of my memory as well as short-term memory.
- I gained lots of love from my family and friends (and this supercedes all the other things that happened).
- I suppose there are more stuffs in year 2(X) but oh well.

It's going to get better and better! Woot!

It gets a little depressing when you seem like no one/ nothing can help you in getting out of this mental/psychology thing. I broke down again yesterday which totally shocked/ saddened the parents.

I don't know, when I am 'relevant'/calm, it seems like the whole thing becomes ridiculous. Like what is so wrong with losing memory/ trembling/ depressed/ in a trance/ learning new things. Well, that is only when I am in a 'magic moment' mode.

So I just have to continue telling I am fabulous and happy and loved and all those good things to come, until the next episode strikes again that is.

Anyway, today I realised one of my road trips(work) was cancelled and I left my stuff at Mike's till today. And no one knows where road trip it wass.

Every day I learn something more about myself, like deciding whether I need to pee and deciding whether is a fart or I really need to use the toilet. It can be funny or sad, depending which mode I am. Anyway, my decisions are always correct.

Meh meh meh meh meh

Anyway today is a 'magic-moment-trembling-depressive-trance' day. I went to Vivocity. Barcelos is not as nice as Nandos. Don't order soup.

There are many things that made my day fantastic though I am in a trance.

I am still assessing myself whether I am ready to make a trip to Melbs to stay with Silly for a while.

There are times trivia issues affect me, but I guess it gets better everyday.

It's weird to say this, but I actually enjoy coming to work.

Today is a fruitful day~ My cousin gets married today and it's good to see the rest of extended family. We are going for the dinner later. Woot~!

According to the laws of nature, positive attract positive. I am recovering well, thus this positive thought will receive the same vibe and ultimately the thought will realise. so friends, believe that I am recovering well. Very very well. And I will excel and be better than who I used to be. I'll be off to KL on 21st. It is a smooth and relaxing journey. The return journey is the same as well. It is more comfortable for them as I will be staying over. Baby Pang will thus have more space. I will enjoy myself very much. I will be back on 24th for my appointment and blood test. I am recovering well and do not need a 3rd treatment.

It will be better with each day passing. Nevermind the crashed desktop, nevermind the starting from scratch, nevermind, nevermind.

I have appointments like:

11th Nov- Spring cleaning
12th Nov- Wedding dinner
15th Nov- 'sisters' meeting
21st Nov- Yun Lee's Wedding
24th Nov- Return from KL First Coach and blood test at Novena
25th Nov- 8 hour treatment at B1B
3rd May- B1B
10th May- B1B

I guess everyone has their way to destress, some eat, some whine, some give up, some shut off, some get abusive, while I drink and club. Prolly as the activities stop(i.e. drinking and clubbing), I was left with little avenue to destress. Hopefully I get well again and resume the drinking/clubbing sessions. And food. which could start the week after next. Satay, Kong Bak Bao and Ji De Chi . Looking forward to Curry Puff at Sunset way and maybe ice cream!

I love life. I will find my true calling. I will be well to help the unfortunates. Maybe I will meet my child one day. Death is not me. Happiness will be me.

Yep that's all for now

It will get better tomorrow.

Now I know how they came up with the script.. Meh.

Anyway, I am beginning to believe that this whole bad economy thing is a scam plotted by the government to make us work harder and longer. With 5 seconds, across 3 lanes of road, I actually spotted 4 BMWs. Right. What happened to Cherry QQ and Proton Sagas? or public transport? (which is also expensive, by the way)

Now I am more depressed.

I am beginning to wonder what is the real me. Am I pretending to be who I am previously or am I pretending who I am now.

The eye test today went well. Tomorrow to RAI. 11.35am.

I've been sleeping for 8 hours everyday, and nothing beyond 8.

This serves as my reminder for upcoming events.

Meeting 'client' on Thur/ Fri
Meeting 'Angela Lim' on Saturday after Jovene Tan.

Settle:
School fees
Outreach claims

Most of my closest friends would have known that Lupus gave me a one-way ticket trip to Heaven's gates and I made a U-turn, if not for my family and friends who refused to let me give up. Thank you for all the cheers, the encouragement, the food, the magazines and not forgettting visiting me to hear myself hurl insults at you... I can never apologize and thank you enough.

Of cos, my family is the best. My uncles came from KL and thanks to them, I have a laptop to type this words of appreciation. I suppose I must have turned my parents' and brother's upside down. Even the sister-in-law is not spared by my 3am calls. I hope I did not affect the development of Baby Pang.

So anyway, I shall work hard on getting back my usual happy self cos' life is precious. I cannot imagine how heartbroken everyone will be if I entered the gates. I guess I only wanted an excuse to sleep on and ignore the world behind me.

Perhaps I have not made amends, perhaps I have greater things to do, which is why I am still here. =)

my closest friends and family would know what had happened.. it was a tiring episode, not forgetting an expensive lesson learnt. I cross path with death and back. so for now, my work is disrupted, school is put on hold, and am trying to piece the various of my life together again. I strive never to be warded again. oh well, time to prepare for my treatment. Brain Fry!!!