A life TOO ordinary..

It's been a year of gains and losses. A year of growing up. A year of realisation that life has not and never will be the fairytale I had assumed to be. A year of angst, a year of help, a year of desperation, a year of disappointments.. It has also been a year of love, a year of support, a year of true friendship.

Yes, Someone is watching over, but just not as frequent as I hoped for. I probably should not be asking for too much.

The week has been crazy and traumatizing that I wonder how I managed to survive the 14 hour workday week and a closed book research module altogether. In retrospect, the ordeal made everyone closer in a way and what doesn't break you makes you stronger, I think.

I am just so, so, so, so happy that the week is finally over that I am suddenly at loss (though I know there are many many many many things I need to do). Yep, 1 big load off my shoulders at least. I thank whoever is watching over!

I bought myself lunch at Bakerzinn after the paper today. It wasn't the best, but I think I deserved a treat and a pat on my back. hur hur.

The nephew's wailing horribly loudly. That restless boy...

"There's always a choice" and so that's what they say. When the going gets tough, we can choose to face it or simply walk away. There will always be a choice, but no one says it's going to be easy.

I have been deliberating for the past couple of months on throwing the white flag and walk away. It is a tough decision and I am still undecided. Yes, I have a choice, in fact, many tough choices.

It set me thinking on my way home today while deliberating (again) about the current fix. And it dawned on me that lately, the only decisions I made are simply walking/ running/ hiding away. I am sure life was not like that. I am sure I had fighter in me. Are the demands of life getting more unbearable, or we just did not have the luxury of turning our backs in the past? Or perhaps, the more we gain, the more we are afraid of losing; the higher the stakes, the more cautious we are?

A part of me tells me I should not give up without a good fight. A part of me is jaded and too weary of anymore setbacks.

Dear God, please grant me the strength to find my will again.