A life TOO ordinary..

Rachael and I shared our views on certain things as we sneaked out for a short kopibreak today. I conluded that I need to manage my expectations. Wouldn't it be nice if we do not have any expectations? My expectation of the next bonus, my bosses expectations of me, my expectations of friends, expectations, expectations and more expectations. Perhaps it's not the expectations that is so detestable but the obligations and the disappointments. Yeah, I think I should learn to be less presumptuous and less discerning.

Oh man, how I hate the bitchiness bitterness in me sometimes.

My morale went missing lately and I thought it was due to Boss Koh's departure and PMS. But now that the crimson tide is over and Boss Koh has almost left, I think there's something more to this. I better find my morale quick or life will be very miserable for a while. I hope my royalty break in KL after Chinese New Year will do the trick. I need to stop talking about Boss Koh. He is gone.

I've been thinking lately about my development in the office. I think I've missed the chance to voice my concerns over my new portfolio, which had shrunk by 2/3 since last year. And this is no good. I don't think it will look good to HR and it will ultimately lead to a smaller, less pretty letter from HR next year, if I am still hanging around. I can't see myself growing too much, unless they seriously consider what I proposed next year.

I was insanely pissed by a colleague today, so pissed I could feel my tear duct on the verge of bursting, so pissed I wanted to walk to his cubicle to scream at him, so pissed I wanted to walk to the boss to say I quit. That was how pissed I was. TWT-my-evil-twin aka BFF came to the rescue in time to do silly things like fanning me and bringing me out for a drink, or else God knows what irrational email I would send out today. Dear God, thank you for giving my bad colleagues, so I can appreciate the goodness of the rest. I just hope I will leave before TWT and Rachael, I can't bear to be abandoned once more.

I cannot imagine how bad I am at managing my finances. Pay day was less than 2 weeks ago, and now I am quite broke. And this month I actually got quite a fat cheque, I just can't recall how I managed to squander off my fortune in 10 days.

Yesterday was Boss Koh's official last day as my boss, and together with the stupid cramp, made my day one of the most miserable one. I spent the last 1/2 hour in Boss Koh's room this afternoon just watching him pack and talking to him and taking whatever memorabilia I can find on his table and nagging him to take back his letter (which I know is impossible, but that is simply just how much I hate to see him go). Oh well, someone would leave, someone always leaves. I cannot imagine the day TWT decides to leave. I think I better leave before hat happens. I cannot imagine how long I need to mourn. BAH! I hate growing up. I hate goodbyes.

“Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.” - Snoopy

Dear BFF,
Thank you.

PMS

I am going to bleed in a matter of 24hours or so and everything turned grey today. And I rooted myself in the cubicle not wanting to scream at any innocent passer-by. I don't like my womb.

In other news, I've finished all the Coffeeprince episodes but I shall continue watching the TV one since it's going to be all sacherine sweeeet from now. WeEEeeEe!

It's time of the month and coupled with the near-departure of Boss Koh aka the new boss, who happens to be the boss whom I feel most attached to.

I lost my cool today. And I am truly sorry to those whom I raised my voice at. Hormones, oh hormones..

I just can't help feeling morbid over the whole goodbye thing. I think I am mourning. I think I need some time to mourn. I need to be left alone. I think I need another break.

Dear Boss Koh, thank you for all the guidance you gave me. Thank you for the freedom you grant me. Thank you for the wonderful time at Penang, thank you for eating all the 'exotic' food I forced you to swallow. Thank you for being a sport. Thank you for the nice memory of drinking session at the hotel room in Changi with the gang. Thank you for being the wonderful Boss Koh.

Can you imagine, I bought a used coffee bean grinder from Robinsons, lug it to meet my momma for lunch, (in the process let someone pick up and ran away with my $10), and then lug the bleddy machine home, only to realise it's used just before bed time. I sincerely think it's either the serious lack of sleep due to the impromptu visit to MOS, or it's simply bad karma for the things I've done that night. hur hur. Let's just say it's super funny to drag a person who hates trance dance to that 1/2 the night.

I've got a wonderful letter from the HR this Monday and I can only say I am so grateful that my search was not fruitful the other time. Ok la, I think I also need to thank the bosses for the wonderful appraisal and The Almighty One (TAO) for not pulling another stunt on me. hur hur.

The letter sure starts 2008 on a wonderful note. I do hope that's not the peak of the year.

Most friends would know that I went through some minor procedure lately. It was supposed to be done more than a decade ago, had I not chickened out then. I have no idea what made me go through the procedure this time, I guess it could be a serious lack of variety in my life.

I had a terrible tummyache last night, which got my family really worried and had to send me to the 24 hour clinic. I never knew there is something much worse than stomach cramps. And I am thankful that my prayer was answered, despite drifting in and out of sleep last night, I woke up well again this morning.

One of the things I would like to do this year is to blog more often than I did last year. No matter how mundane things can be. Simply because every day of my life is a gift, exciting or not. And as morbid as it sounds, I don't exactly know how many more gifts will be bestowed on me. So I want these gifts to be properly documented so that when the time comes, I have evidence of me living a wonderful life which I must be grateful for; and that should remind me not to blame the Almighty One for being unfair, for he had given be a good life, way better than many many many others.

我明白两个深爱着彼此的人在一起不一定幸福。。。

当你无奈地对我说我仍是你的最爱时，我并没有怀疑；很遗憾在错的时间遇见了你、又因为我的倔强伤害了你、也因为我的傲慢错过了你。。。

很开心你找到了幸福，很衷心地位你们祝福。。。

I spent the last minutes of 2007 sitting around with a few close friends, wondering when Jolin Tsai and Show will appear on TV, while enjoying May Day's performance. It wasn't the most happening count down, but I am glad I was able to spend the last few moments of 2007 with friends close to my heart..

Happy New Year to all and may you have a blissful and fulfilling year ahead!