Thursday, June 17, 2010
The pursuit of Happyness
Before I start, I am not sure if I should even try to pen down these thoughts and if I eventually do, I am not sure if I should even publish it. Cos' I might not even know what I am talking about but I guess I just need to comment a lil' about what kind of conversations I've been having lately.
It's been over a month since I moved to 'Destination Next". Over the 5 weeks or so and 2 pay cheques later, I observed the most concerned issue amongst people I talked to would be "Are you happy?" (Evil Twin thinks I am when he picked me up for our long overdue Happy Hour last Friday)
I am beginning to feel rather weary because I don't exactly have an answer for that. And my 10-year-series answer would be "I'm not unhappy". So does that mean I am not happy? And does not happy means I am unhappy? It's getting frustrating because my decision to leave was not based on seeking happyness. It was on the contrary, to end my unhappyness. The problem with such conversation is this: I simply do not think happyness are 2 poles of the same spectrum but somewhat like concentric circle, so to speak (ok it's probably a damn inaccurate allegory but really, tell me if you know what I mean).
I'm happy not to be where I was, I am still adapting, but no, not that kind of happy, yet. So please do me a favour, do not ask me whether I am happy in "Destination Next". I sincerely don't know what you mean by happy. And if you do ask, and you receive my 10-year-series answer, please do not go all philosophical and argue that I am unhappy. Much as I appreciate your genuine concern for my happyness, some things are not just painted in black and white.
Postnote: It's officially over 8 weeks or so. I've decided to post it om July 11th, perhaps just to make up for the lack of posts lately.
|
It's been over a month since I moved to 'Destination Next". Over the 5 weeks or so and 2 pay cheques later, I observed the most concerned issue amongst people I talked to would be "Are you happy?" (Evil Twin thinks I am when he picked me up for our long overdue Happy Hour last Friday)
I am beginning to feel rather weary because I don't exactly have an answer for that. And my 10-year-series answer would be "I'm not unhappy". So does that mean I am not happy? And does not happy means I am unhappy? It's getting frustrating because my decision to leave was not based on seeking happyness. It was on the contrary, to end my unhappyness. The problem with such conversation is this: I simply do not think happyness are 2 poles of the same spectrum but somewhat like concentric circle, so to speak (ok it's probably a damn inaccurate allegory but really, tell me if you know what I mean).
I'm happy not to be where I was, I am still adapting, but no, not that kind of happy, yet. So please do me a favour, do not ask me whether I am happy in "Destination Next". I sincerely don't know what you mean by happy. And if you do ask, and you receive my 10-year-series answer, please do not go all philosophical and argue that I am unhappy. Much as I appreciate your genuine concern for my happyness, some things are not just painted in black and white.
Postnote: It's officially over 8 weeks or so. I've decided to post it om July 11th, perhaps just to make up for the lack of posts lately.
| My declaration of Love |
| I need to know how to feel without you.. I need to find myself, to give you the space you need, to move in a different direction from yours.. I want to know how life can go on without you.. I want to embrace joy, indulge in love, to enjoy every drop of sunshine that falls on me.. I will conquer my fear of living in a world without you.. I will live my life as though I had never met you... |