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This is the story of a girl who fell from the top of the world.

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Wah shit 

I got a feeling my PC is crashing any time soon. THIS. IS. SO. SHIT.

Anyway, I just want to post a song. hur hur. Am I boliao or am I boliao...


Wake Me Up When September Ends"
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my fathers come to passs
even years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we areas my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we areas my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends
Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends
like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends
wake me up when september ends

To founder of Buangster and my stalker, please have a good trip and remember my mee sua.
Whines contributed by Ellie at Saturday, September 30, 2006
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Friday, September 29, 2006

Hot like this... 

I meant the weather. It's times like this, you wish you are sitting in the office/LT/Tutorial room enjoying nice air-con. So I switched the air-con on, feeling guility 1/2 hour later, I switched it off, and cursing under my breath at the hot weather.

Apparently, the haze is making it's way back. I know this sounds wrong, but I like hazy evenings/nights. On Wednesday, when I was returning home from tuition, I can't help but like what I was.. smelling. Thick, hazy, intoxicating smell *if you know what I mean*. I can't help but like it, it makes me feel that everything is somewhat surreal. You know? Like you are in this unknown place where everything is so familiar yet so strange. I like that smell~

Ok, some of you might think that unemployment had caused some mental retardation or something due to a severe lack of activities. Well, I've been making myself useful at home like cooking dinner, doing laundry, washing the dishes, 'super-marketing'. And some days I swim. I haven't gone swimming the past week because I was lazy. And I try to tidy my room. And try to polish my piano. And I catch up with friends I haven't met in a while. And I do my craft work. And I paint. And I watch Chicago Hope. And I read and go to the library.

As much as I am enjoying myself, I think it's good to have a job as well. At least there's more things I can bitch about with my friends. hur hur. But like I told many people, if it doesn't come, I will just have to wait. So as much as I appreciate your concern, do not *again* attempt to ask me about my employment status. I'm sure I'll be pleased to announce any changes when it comes. Thankyouverymuch. And I am not intending to loaf my whole life *unless I meet my rich husband*, so thank you for your concern.




Whines contributed by Ellie at Friday, September 29, 2006
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Sunday, September 24, 2006

To the library~ 

Since I've finished the books I borrowed from the library, and I had to pass something to my 'fan', I headed down the Plaza this evening. And I got: 4 new books to read, a new paint brush, a bottle of glue and a hairclip for my fringe. So well, I managed to finish 'Tart' this morning, so I returned all the 4 books I borrowed.

ANyway before I forget, I read an interesting book the other day also. Vernon God Little is this book about this teen involved in this shooting thing committed by his friend Jesus-something. Anyway it's really quite interesting and the language is quite cool also laah. I like the way Vernon views certain things and all those very cynical comments. Anyway, the way the book pokes fun at media and the bourgeoisie and bureaucracy those serious-serious things in society, is also quite entertaining la. But because the book is not written in those nice-nice English, I can't help but feel a little... 'bumpy' as I read the book. Haiya, I don't know how to describe la, go read it yourself if you want to know.

Anyway I borrowed Kafka today. I remember reading it a coupld of years ago. I think is about the guy turning into a cockroach or something. Anyway, I was just browsing then suddenly I thought of Kafka, and I thought it's a sign telling me to read his book. hur hur.*NO, it's not a sign telling me that I'll become a cockroach HOR*

Well, anyway I had Cartel for dinner. Which was not bad la... the Banana waffle was quite pathetic la... the banana did not even feel... caramel-ly caaaan.That was a little waste of our very precious money la...

Well, some of my friends' birthdays are coming up next month and we *my fan and I* were discussing about presents and stuffs. So after that conversation, I decided that I shall shamelessly publicize the list of things I really have no space for.


1. CUP/MUG/GLASS
And this include teapot of any kind *ok, I will still find space for gold cups or pots la*. I think I have at least 2 cups given by friends, on my table acting as pen holders. I have 3 'astroboy' ones under my table and at least 2 in my wardrobe, waiting to be used. And then I have the Heineken cups I 'took', in various shapes and sizes hiding in some corner. SO really, no space liao la...

2. Water bottles
If I look left, I see 3 unused bottle. 1 Hard Rock one which I bought when I was in Osaka and 2 sigg ones I.. simply bought them. And under my table *yes I know I got many things stashed under my table* is another bottle Bestest got for me one of the birthdays. Just as I was about to end this list, I spot another ET cup/bottle hiding behind my printer. You know with the ET figurine pointing at me. *TSK, Japanese always got a way to make you think that everything is worth buying*

3. Accessories
Dear friends, I do not wear accessories other than my necklace which I have been wearing since forever. Earrings never liked me. I got infection when I was 8 when I wore plastic earrings. It was so bad I had 2 black patches on my earlobes when I took fotographs and people would think those were my earrings. *wait till I find that picture*. And I lose earrings no matter how hard I try to keep them safely and nicely. And then there's the bracelet. For some strange reason, one of my aunties like to buy me bracelet. They are lying around, somewhere. I'll see them when I see them. And rings. Actually I like rings. But I think they are quite inconvenient. And I lose them. So the only way to prevent myself from losing or spoiling them is not using them. To prove my point:

 My loving pals got me this when I turned.. *ok fine I cannot remember when*. The point is, it's still nicely protected in the box.

Anyway it's really delicate la. Cannot, cannot. Though I love it to bits, I don't think I know how to use la. *fine you can call me stupid*

Anyway, my point is don't need to waste your money la. It's good enough to know that you love me. hur hur.








4. HArry Potter books
WaHAhahaha. Unless you are getting me the whole set *besides the pheonix one*, hard-cover. Bestest, you still reading this?

5. Stuffed toys
In the corner of my living room lies a little crate. If you open that little crate, those soft, furry things are going to junp out and suffocate you. And if they don't, those on top of the wardrobe will. Those are bigger, they definitely will.

6. Clothes
OK, I admit I am a sucker for those 'sentimental-value-shit'. Every present means something to me, so eevn if I have no use for them, I will keep them under my bed/table/blah blah blah. So I seldom wear the clothes my friends bought for my birthdays cos' I don't want to wear them out and lose that memory. Which is why the Levis shit which I SO, SO love is still in it's box, and the Levis T shirt I received another year is in the drawer-of-unworn-clothes. *I shall wait till I grow too fat and then I will regret why I never wear them like, now.*

ok, I shall stop here since my brain is not functioning as well already. I hope my friends are not offended but I thought I should give everyone an idea of things I no longer have space for. hur hur.

Anyway, I m currently searching for a watch I used to own. Swatch Tokyo Manga (GR133).





Like I mentioned I used to own this watch. My daddy bought it for me for my... I think 15th birthday with the other one, Swatch Decoder. Anyway, I suspected that my friend stole this cos she was the only one I was exchanging my watch with and she got this weird expression when I told her I couldn't find this watch. *Anyway I didn't confront her lah, maybe I was just paranoid.* So anyway, this is really a nice, nice, nice watch. I so love the colours. I still got the casing, and a map that came with the watch. And I can remember a picture of a naked woman on the strap, near the watch face. So anyway, this is a 10-year old model and really rare already. If anyone sees this for sale, do let me know where to buy, that will be the best present already. I so miss that watch that I want to cry. ANyway, despite this incident, I never learn my lesson. I continued exchanging things with people and as a result, I lost my Oasis, Greenday, Korn cds. But I was smarter cos' I also got back some other CDs in return. hur hur. I shall never lend people things anymore!!!!

Oh yah, I was supposed to go to bed.

P/S: I think blogger fonts are so boring. I think they should include new fonts already. But haiya, since it's free service, I should shut up la. hur hur.

P/P/S: I am so torn between Hady and Jonathan. *Not like I m going to vute like I did for Taufik* but at that time, someone was obviously better you see. This time is like both are equally good. wah, abit hard laaa. But I think I like Hady's version of that song better, but Jonathan sang one of my favourite song, the Should I Stay or Should I Go, Wah, I damn like it laaa... SO who you think will win leh? I want both to win. Maybe Jonathan should join next year then he and Hady both are winners, in different year. hur hur.
Whines contributed by Ellie at Sunday, September 24, 2006
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Friday, September 22, 2006

Divided Kingdom 

Before I forget that I've read the book, I better note it down. Anyway, this is NOT a book review because I don't think I can do justice to the book. But in case you are interested, you can read more about the book here. You can borrow it from the National Library, at least that was where I got the book.

Anyway what drawn me to the book was actually it's cover. Very pretty. Many colours I like. Of cos' I didn't just grab the book laaaaa... Anyway I liked what I read at the back of the book. Those morbid-morbid-dystopian stuff. I like. Reminded me of 1984 and John Wyndham. I like feeling opressed. Sometimes.

So anyway the book looks like this:


So pretty right, wait till you see the back.

So anyway, like all those morbid-morbid-dystopian- futuristic book, this is very dense. *my definition of dense: many many words and many many things happening*. So anyway, despite it being dense, I think it is a very nice book laa...

Basically, the book is about a country *Britain* being segmented into four main groups. Yellow for Chloric people who are assumed to be aggresive, Green for Melancholic people who are, well, melancholic, Blue for Phlegmatic who are passive and emotional while Red for Sanguine people who are bascially the cream of the crop la, you know, good-natured and optimistic and all... But one very interesting group is the White people who are basically nothing. Just outcast of the whole hierachy. So they wonder around like.. air, but sometimes ever air get better treatment, depending on where they go. So it's puzzling and can be quite painful to read about them sometimes lah.. So anyway everyone will live in their respective 'zones' 'cept the white people who are free to roam. But then, they do get very harsh treatment in different places. SO yup, nice book if you like morbid-morbid stuffs la...

Anyway I think the whole idea of classification is quite ridiculous laa.. I mean, there are so many sides to ourselves, who are we to judge what we are predominantly, right? Anyway, if you go to the webby, you can check out where you will live la.. I am *surprise. surprise* Melancholic. So I will live in the GREEN quarter, represented by a.. Rabbit. The MELANCHOLICS, dominated by black bile, are characterised by introspection, pessimism, and an inclination towards the intellectual. Melancholics reside in the Green Quarter, whose capital is Cledge. Well, I am pretty happy with this arrangement, since I will live in GREEN quarter. hur hur. So everyday I will sit by the window and mope and drink myself silly. hur hur.

Well here are some other reasons why I like the book:

"They believe in God, not as a judge or an avenger, but in the abstract sense, as the seed from which the universe had grown, the source or fount of all existence. They were prepared to accept Jesus Christ too, though they saw him as a teacher rather than a divinity; in their opinion, he simply was a man who had encouraged people to treat each other well. They didn't believe in the resurrection or the life everlasting, and they rejected the notion of an immortal soul. All life was here, on earth, Though they had set themselves apart, on this remote property, they weren't puritans or ascetics. Far from it, The purpose of their 'church'- a word they used in the loosest sense- to embrace it in all its rich variety. If they had an aim, it was probably happiness, which they tended to define negatively as freedom from distress and pain. In philosophical terms, the system with which they identified most closely was that of Epicurus, whose teachings could be summarised as follows: to live in tranquility, to appreciate the gift of life, to have no fear of death. It was an approach that was at once spiritual and rational. Respect remained a fundamental principle, as did a sense of awe and wonder, but faith didn't really play a part."
-- I am not sure if it's a sin to be saying this, but I think this is a perfect religion for me. Very nice, I like.

"You don't have to be strong to abuse power. You can abuse it out of weakness or insecurity. Out of fear. "
-- Reminded me of something we talked about in class. Nice.

"Happiness had a slippery, almost diaphanous quality. It gave nothing off, left nothing behind. Grief was different, though. Grief can be collected, exhibited. Grief could be remembered. And if we had proof that we'd been sad, then we also had proof that we'd been happy, since the one, more often than not, presupposed the other. In preserving grief, therefore, we were preserving happiness."
--Spoken by a melancholic. She was defending the purpose of the 'Museum of Tears' where people could stored their tears and contribute. Hur hur. It's sounds so natural coming for a melancholic.

Haiya, quite sleepy liao.I shall end here with my favourite quote in the book:
"It's never the things we do that we regret the most, it's the things we didn't do. Or haven't done. Or can't."

P/S: I NEVER go around highlighting the book hor. I just took note of those nice nice phrases, cos' I planned to share a nice nice book with you. See, so nice of me.
Whines contributed by Ellie at Friday, September 22, 2006
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Sunday, September 17, 2006

16th September 


Met up with my favourite bunch of girls on 16th September. We can celebrate 10th anniversary already!!! It was a wonderful, wonderful dinner and drinks and games. I hope we can have more time like this...

I did not sleep for more than 24 hours. It was pure hell. I almost lost my sanity.

And I have chicken 3 consecutive meals in that 24 hours.

And there is the $40 dollar mystery which I still cannot solve. You see, I brought $40 with about $6-8 loose change with me. And I went home with like $2. Which is not the problem, the problem is I could't figure where the money went. I know I spent $5 on cab, $3 on Tang Yuan, $1 on my drinks and supposedly $5 on claypot rice. So at Beach road, I should have spent about $13 less about $3 I got back from the cab. So I should have another 3 $10 bill. Then we went to Hark Cafe, that is another $10 and I return $10 to Kimmie for something, BY RIGHT, I should have another $10 right?? But not, for some strange reason I only got $2 left in my wallet. The sums are NOT right.

Recap: I used 1 $10 not for the cab, so I should have 3 notes left. I thought I used my 2nd note during the claypot rice but I was told I did not, so I should have 3 notes left, WHERE IS THAT FREAKING note?? This is so frustrating. And I was sure I got 4 notes cos' I took another cab in the afternoon and that was the change I got back, and I sure I got back 4 $10 notes. Urgh! It's just like the mahjong game my friend once describe where everyone lost money and they couldn't figure out how. DAMN SHIT. So during the 24-hour lack of sleep ordeal, I was also trying to figrue out where is that missing $10 note. TAMADE. To the girls: how much did you spend last night???
Whines contributed by Ellie at Sunday, September 17, 2006
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Daniel Post 

Most close friends would know by now how much I like to brag talk about my youngest cousin, Daniel and his sister, the-vianpot-Sarah. So I promised some friends some time ago some extremely hilarious videos of the young padawan and today I finally sat down to upload them of You Tube. He is so, so cute laaa...

Presenting Baby & 'ballball'

There was a girl and her daddy playing badminton and that boy couldn't see why he's left out of the fun, so he keeps going on 'ball ball' blah blah blah, which prolly meant "I oso want to play ball ball"

And they he went for the Dinosaur...

ROARRRRR!!!

And Baby in a rather... awkward situation

MUahahahhahaha. He is so, so cute laaaa...

And to leave you with his 'favourite' song phrase of a song...


Twinkle TWINKLE Lit-tle starrrr

Yep that is my youngest cousin for you...He is soOooo cute laaaaa...
p/s: oh by the way, this is an extremely sexy baby who refused to put on his shorts for more than one occassion oredy... I think he thinks he's got sexy legs lah.. hur hur.. so cute laaaa~~

I received a newsletter from soem travel thing informing about the new Bangkok hotel rates. I SO WANT TO GO LAAAA. I miss the food and shopping in BKK can... but unless I want to be slaughtered prematurely or end up homeless laaa... tsk... Lately everyone's gone out. And weirdly, everyone's going to Hong Kong and Taiwan. Is it that freaking cheap to go there? I ALSO WANT TO GO LAAAAAAA. Yep, even my momma-the-auntie had been to Hong Kong caaaan...This is so frustrating. I SHOULD NOT BE STUCK HERE AT HOME EVERYDAY WATCHING KID'S CENTRAL!!!! I want to be travelling like everyone else. I WANT! I WANT!! I WANT!!!!!

I was going to compensate my Bestest, Mo, with MY current eye candy but seems like Blogger doesn't want me to share. haiya. Next time la huh...
Whines contributed by Ellie at Wednesday, September 13, 2006
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Sunday, September 10, 2006

Mindless rants 

Just rushed home to watch 'I am Sam' by Sean Penn. Very good movie, the lil' girl Dakota Fanning is good and I am glad I made it home to catch the movie. I'm not a big fan of the cinema. The last movie I watched in a cinema was.. X-men, when I was back in KL *and I took 5 mins to recall*. And I wasn't even keen on going. I went because it was free and my vainpot wanted to watch a movie. I guess I am just not a cinema person. I do not enjoy sitting in the cinema for two hours doing nothing but passing popcorn and staring at the screen. Weird as it sounds, I think watching movie is a very personal thing. I enjoy watching movies alone. It allows me to forget who I am and be part of the movie. And I can't do that with friends. I don't know why. I enjoy stacking my room with DVDs when I go back to KL so that I can watch it on iBook at night when everyone sleeps. I enjoy having movie marathons on long flights, even it meant that I sacrifice my precious sleep. I enjoy watching movies alone in the hall, 50cm away from the TV, even if that meant I sit in an awkward position the whole time. But I haven't gone to the cinema alone. Jingrong used to tell me that he would sometimes go to watch a movie alone. He would take the train to Lot 1 to catch a movie alone. But I can't go to the cinema alone, I just can't associate myself, with the cinema, alone. We go to cinemas with friends. Perhaps I should do that one day. I did try to do that many years back when things were really screwed and then I procrastinated and then I went to sleep instead. I stopped going to the cinemas cos' I can still vividly remember the last time we were there. I watched Forbidden City the other day. I think they did not have enought budget for the set. I did not like the set. But the show was fine. The singing was good, though I do not always like the music or agree with some of the way certain scenes were presented. But it was fine. And I enjoyed myself with my gurlpals, very much. Just like old times. Times when we were talking about different things. Times when I guess, we had less troubles. Times I sometimes wished would last forever. But still, I had a good time with them. We talked about the 'French MNC' and the Merlion. But dinner was a shame. It was my fault, I should have been more decisive. It's been some time since the 3 of us sat down for a nice dinner. I had dinner with Deviants and 'people who like us alot'. It was nice not because the food was nice, but I had nice company. Things may not be the same 5 years later, but I've grown enough to know that nothing lasts forever and I am grateful for things that happened. I have been avoiding a dinner date. Sometimes I do not like to meet people from my past. I seem to have diassociated myself with that common memory that we had. Our paths had parted . Much as I love them, I just can't bring myself back. People do not understand. I don't too. And sometimes I can't handle this awkwardness, so I retreat into my cove. And I think I am being mean. I will get bad karma and I will never meet a rich-loving-caring-kind-humourous-generous-clever-clever husband because I am mean to the past. I can't help it. I am not clever all the time. Neither can I be nice all the time. And I think I am becoming emotionally-handicapped. I can't explain it. But I am not myself anymore. I lost my drive, my passion. And I watch helplessly as my confidence fades. And then I think about my life. And I think things are not as bad. I know I am loved. I watched a movie about a father's love. And I know everyone is capable of loving. Sam loves Lucy. Alot. You don't need an IQ of 130 to love. We sometimes forget that fact, and we forget to love. I love to sleep. Sleep is very important. And I am going to sleep. I need to wake up at 7 to go to church. And I will have breakfast with the people I love, before heading home to sleep, an activity I love. Life is not so bad, it's filled with so much love.I don't think I have any idea what I wrote so I am going to leave the fonts very small so that your eyes will be very tired after reading the 2nd sentence and I hope I did not make a fool of myself. I am not drunk because I am non-alcoholic; I am just not thinking. I think too much and sometimes I know I should let my brain have a break.
Whines contributed by Ellie at Sunday, September 10, 2006
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Friday, September 08, 2006

Happy Birthday Angie~ 

Nothing much happened lately 'cept the most mundane things. I got sunburnt the other day cos' I swam when the sun was very strong. The silly sunblock did not work. I applied twice. Once before I left home and once at the pool. Whateverrrr..
Whines contributed by Ellie at Friday, September 08, 2006
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My declaration of Love
I need to know how to feel without you.. I need to find myself, to give you the space you need, to move in a different direction from yours.. I want to know how life can go on without you.. I want to embrace joy, indulge in love, to enjoy every drop of sunshine that falls on me.. I will conquer my fear of living in a world without you.. I will live my life as though I had never met you...
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