Tuesday, January 30, 2007
What would you do if you have only 5 years to live?
I haven't thought about it yet, but I guess there's no harm thinking about it now..
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Wednesday, January 24, 2007
189415 things I want to do before I turn 25
Time whizzes past before we even notice and before I notice it, I'll be over a quarter of a century old. One of the top things on my list is to Sky-dive, which I don't think I'll get to do it before I turn 25.
This morning I woke up with wanting to do item 4456*ok it's just a random number* and so I went online, did my research, yada yada yada and headed straight there after my appointment at TTSH. The shop was not open. So I could not strike off item 4456. Well, I will still want to do it, I know I will. And I will do it before 25.
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This morning I woke up with wanting to do item 4456*ok it's just a random number* and so I went online, did my research, yada yada yada and headed straight there after my appointment at TTSH. The shop was not open. So I could not strike off item 4456. Well, I will still want to do it, I know I will. And I will do it before 25.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Another broken toy...
Sometimes your favourite things get broken. Sometimes even Papa cannot fix it. But you accept what's broken, fix what you can, and adapt to what you can't, and in doing so, you discover new joys in simpler things.
-- Mr Brown,
Yep. Moving on in search of simpler pleasures in life...
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-- Mr Brown,
Yep. Moving on in search of simpler pleasures in life...
Thursday, January 18, 2007
It's-so-not-going-to-happen...
Things are starting to pick up at the office, so basically I can expect to see more work on my table.. It's not a bad thing cos' it keeps my mind from wondering and end up getting depressed over things that will not happen. I do not understand why I like to let my imagination run wild and then after that burst the huge bubble I blow for myself and then mourn over the 'non-existent' loss. I think I am really masochistic and this time it's getting from bad to worse. If this goes on, I think I might be losing my sanity soon. Not good. I need a new "it's-so-not-going-to-happen" theme song cos' this one is apparently not catchy enough and I am beginning to find it annoying. MY doctor suggested that I try a new medication which can help to better control my condition. I am looking at my options. I don't think I am really receptive to the idea cos' it requires close monitoring and hence, more time off to see the doctor. And there are also other long-term complications that might cause me to regret for the rest of my life. I think I am going to say no. And I am considering to switch to NUH since it is nearer and I do not have to waste an entire day at the hospital. And TTSH is beginning to feel depressing. It reminds me of the time when I got really not well and had to spend a few nights there. I hate the thought of needles, the stressful urine tests, the long waits. So perhaps a change in environment might do me some good. So right now I am seriously considering my options and hopefully I can come to a decision soon. I hate it when some decisions are beyond my control. I hate uncertainty and I hate the anticipation. I would rather have an answer, even if it meant a 'no'. I am getting really jaded going round and round like that. And I do not understand why my prayers are never heard on time. I do not understand why they have to be answered 3 seconds too late. I do not know what are HIS plans. And I am getting worried that there might not be plans at all. And it's increasingly difficult to find hope when I am mentally worn out, tattered and broken.
HOw do you convince a child that things will get better, when you fail to live up to your promises time and again?
There's a pretty nice song that I've been playing on Poddy the past few weeks.. Check it out if you haven't heard it..
Artist: Lily Allen
Album: Alright, Still
Year: 2006
Title: Littlest Things
Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I dont why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt
[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.
The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me Is this the end?
Drinkin' tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
The first time that you introduced me to your friends
And you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand
When I was feeling down, you made that face you do
No one in the world that could replace you
[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams Of when we had just started things
Dreams of me and you
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you feel the same way too
The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things remind me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me Is this the end?
I think I just like songs in minor key..
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HOw do you convince a child that things will get better, when you fail to live up to your promises time and again?
There's a pretty nice song that I've been playing on Poddy the past few weeks.. Check it out if you haven't heard it..
Artist: Lily Allen
Album: Alright, Still
Year: 2006
Title: Littlest Things
Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I dont why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt
[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.
The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me Is this the end?
Drinkin' tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
The first time that you introduced me to your friends
And you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand
When I was feeling down, you made that face you do
No one in the world that could replace you
[Chorus]
Dreams, Dreams Of when we had just started things
Dreams of me and you
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you feel the same way too
The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things remind me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend
So come on, Tell me Is this the end?
I think I just like songs in minor key..
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Time warped
NABEH
I don't know how it happened but for some mysterious reason, I actually saw the wrong time for my watch and MISSED MY BLEDDY PIANO LESSON. And that is like $60 gone caaaaaan... I really can't believe how extremely cock-eyed I was... SUPER KNN. And the retarded thing is that I only realised when I am outside my teacher's door. Like 5 seconds before I ring the door bell. Which I did, since I was there already. So I explained to her and paid her fees and left. I felt so... duh.
Anyway I think technology hates me. The office printer likes to jam on me, so does the copier. And I cannot log on to Friendster to cyberstalk while my friends can. Talk about bad karma. What stupid shit.
And I think Singaporean Engineering guys are brats. They should learn to grow up. I think 2 years of NS is not enough AT ALL. STupid fucking fools. DIE YOU BLEDDY BRATS. RoOOOOAAARRRrrrRRrRr!!!!
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I don't know how it happened but for some mysterious reason, I actually saw the wrong time for my watch and MISSED MY BLEDDY PIANO LESSON. And that is like $60 gone caaaaaan... I really can't believe how extremely cock-eyed I was... SUPER KNN. And the retarded thing is that I only realised when I am outside my teacher's door. Like 5 seconds before I ring the door bell. Which I did, since I was there already. So I explained to her and paid her fees and left. I felt so... duh.
Anyway I think technology hates me. The office printer likes to jam on me, so does the copier. And I cannot log on to Friendster to cyberstalk while my friends can. Talk about bad karma. What stupid shit.
And I think Singaporean Engineering guys are brats. They should learn to grow up. I think 2 years of NS is not enough AT ALL. STupid fucking fools. DIE YOU BLEDDY BRATS. RoOOOOAAARRRrrrRRrRr!!!!
| My declaration of Love |
| I need to know how to feel without you.. I need to find myself, to give you the space you need, to move in a different direction from yours.. I want to know how life can go on without you.. I want to embrace joy, indulge in love, to enjoy every drop of sunshine that falls on me.. I will conquer my fear of living in a world without you.. I will live my life as though I had never met you... |