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This is the story of a girl who fell from the top of the world.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

The pursuit of Happyness 

Before I start, I am not sure if I should even try to pen down these thoughts and if I eventually do, I am not sure if I should even publish it. Cos' I might not even know what I am talking about but I guess I just need to comment a lil' about what kind of conversations I've been having lately.

It's been over a month since I moved to 'Destination Next". Over the 5 weeks or so and 2 pay cheques later, I observed the most concerned issue amongst people I talked to would be "Are you happy?" (Evil Twin thinks I am when he picked me up for our long overdue Happy Hour last Friday)

I am beginning to feel rather weary because I don't exactly have an answer for that. And my 10-year-series answer would be "I'm not unhappy". So does that mean I am not happy? And does not happy means I am unhappy? It's getting frustrating because my decision to leave was not based on seeking happyness. It was on the contrary, to end my unhappyness. The problem with such conversation is this: I simply do not think happyness are 2 poles of the same spectrum but somewhat like concentric circle, so to speak (ok it's probably a damn inaccurate allegory but really, tell me if you know what I mean).

I'm happy not to be where I was, I am still adapting, but no, not that kind of happy, yet. So please do me a favour, do not ask me whether I am happy in "Destination Next". I sincerely don't know what you mean by happy. And if you do ask, and you receive my 10-year-series answer, please do not go all philosophical and argue that I am unhappy. Much as I appreciate your genuine concern for my happyness, some things are not just painted in black and white.

Postnote: It's officially over 8 weeks or so. I've decided to post it om July 11th, perhaps just to make up for the lack of posts lately.
Whines contributed by Ellie at Thursday, June 17, 2010
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My declaration of Love
I need to know how to feel without you.. I need to find myself, to give you the space you need, to move in a different direction from yours.. I want to know how life can go on without you.. I want to embrace joy, indulge in love, to enjoy every drop of sunshine that falls on me.. I will conquer my fear of living in a world without you.. I will live my life as though I had never met you...
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